Still sick and reflecting on things
So here I am dying at 6:30 a.m. and so I call in sick. Coughing fits are subsiding and now I'm just dealing with a headache.
Today's reflections:
I absolutely positively love and am in love with Ray. I've been struggling for a while with personal issues that are spilling over into the relationship that I won't go into detail since it's long-winded and just plain personal. The slow realization that I'm coming to is that a lot of these issues are stemming from the fact that I do feel slighly intimidated by our relationship. You might be thinking, "What the f%#K?!?!? How can someone be intimidated by a relationship they're in?!?!" Well, folks, it can happen and here's how.
I didn't realize how wonderful Ray is to me. Despite some faults that drive me nuts (and hey, I'm not perfect either!) he is absolutely perfect for me. He encompasses everything I want in a man. He's loving, supportive, affectionate, logical, smart, motivated, absolutely hilarious, energetic, and totally hot! One day he's helping me pay my bills and the next day he's spending 1/2 hour massaging a stressed area on my neck. That's love, man! That's someone who's in it for the long run. That's someone who's NOT just a "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" kinda guy. Now, here comes the intimidation. Ray is such a great catch, the best boyfriend I've EVER had that the thought of losing him just blows my mind. This fear has transformed into these issues that I've been dealing with for the past few months. Except for one incident, he has not given me reason to doubt this relationship. I'm slowly starting to understand and feel more secure in what we have. It's so hard not to doubt things when everything is still new and you're still learning about this person, but I definitely feel that things are going in the positive direction. What makes it better is how supportive and understanding he is with me. I can't believe how accommodating he is. I am asking so much from him and he's gladly handing it over. It definitely motivates me to get past these roadblocks of mine and to strengthen our relationship.
posted by dragonchica @ 1:49 PM
5 Comments
5 Comments:
hey cuz, good to read about your life. wish i was there! hope you're feeling better (and the not so fun reflections are over). i think it's a pretty common thing that us women go through, nothing is ever good enough, blah blah blah. but it sounds like you've stopped doubting yourself (and seriously, why should you doubt?!)
anyways, hope all is well, you guys should come visit!
-kim
Miss you Trang! Hope you're feeling better, easy to batter yourself when you're already down
Whoops..didn't get to finish that last comment. Went a little mouse clicky happy. But what I meant to say, is that it's almost become natural for women to focus on what they don't like about themselves, because we've grown up idolizing Barbies and celebrities--and how we've managed to compare ourselves to plastic (with all their plastic surgery, celebrities are pretty much plastic)...is beyond me. But we do it anyways. However...Ray doesn't see you the way you see yourself. What I've seen is that you are a terrific party planner, you dress up zucchinis, you're fun to be around, and you're hot when you feel like being hot. Also, it's OK to communicate with Ray your insecurities. His response will help shape your perspective, and your fears are not reality. :)
-Jane
Hey Trang - I hope I'm not intruding. Just dropped by Ray's blog to see what my boy's been up to and saw the link to your blog. Looks like you two are ready to take your relationship to the next level. Enjoy the ride; it only gets better (and more challenging) from here on out. Francis
PS. Kindergarten is fun as shit! I'm teaching the little boogers right now in Oakland, and aside from the poop and vomit, the kids are great.
*sigh* I miss dressing up my zucchinis........hmm...I wonder if I still have the pictures.......
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